| Dear Sir, | | | | take risks, you will stay in that same old life. Or |
| I notice that you have been stalking me. I can tell | | | | under that bush, as you seem to be right now. |
| by the way I always see you at the corner of | | | | You cannot, and I must stress this, you CANNOT |
| my eye. I'm not stupid. Simply observant. And the | | | | seriously expect me to go over there and chat |
| fact that you're always ducking or turning your | | | | you up. First, it will be very, very awkward for |
| head away whenever I look your way is a dead | | | | me to say "Hi! What are you doing under that |
| giveaway. So please. Stop that. You're losing your | | | | bush, trying to dig a hole with your bare hands?" |
| dignity and I'm starting to pity you. You do not | | | | Secondly, you're the one interested in me. I |
| want me to pity you; I can tell. So please. Stop. | | | | refuse to make the first move because it's not |
| I am very flattered that you are interested in me. | | | | my problem (although I am slightly bothered and |
| To be quite honest, very few people have | | | | concerned at the way you would try to act |
| actually expressed that they have any interest in | | | | nonchalant by staring at a pineapple). Of course, it |
| me at all, unless we're talking professionally or in | | | | is perfectly understandable that an introduction of |
| terms of friendship. I have lots of friends, and | | | | "Hey there! You're from operations, right? I've |
| people seem to think I'm good at my job. But in | | | | been stalking you for six months now. Wow, that |
| my lifetime, very few people have outright told | | | | was easier than I thought" is pretty awkward too. |
| me that they intend to make me their girlfriend. | | | | But I somehow think that THAT would be so |
| Just as a heads-up: I'd rather that you walk up to | | | | much better than me having to endure another |
| me and say hi. I'm almost afraid the whiplash will | | | | half year of you appearing in my periphery every |
| snap your neck in an attempt to avoid my gaze, | | | | so often. Dude: that's creepy, if I may be so |
| you see. Even becoming my friend first is quite | | | | frank. Trying to be less creepy with a simple |
| appealing; that way, we'll get to know each other | | | | "Hello" will work for you. Seriously. I promise not |
| a little bit first before you can ask me out on a | | | | to scream and call the cops. |
| date. And there's less risk of you killing yourself in | | | | If you're not the direct type, though, I appreciate |
| the attempt to be one with the tiles. Your ninja | | | | SOME form of sneakiness. Make friends with my |
| skills are lacking, my good, deluded friend. | | | | guy friends, my brother, or one of my cousins, |
| But seriously, I'd appreciate it if you were more | | | | for example, and ask him to introduce you. Now |
| frank. I understand that you're afraid of rejection | | | | that doesn't sound too bad, does it? I'm really a |
| and I have to tell you that I have an equally | | | | very nice person, but pretty soon my nice |
| crippling fear of failure. But I must point out that | | | | persona will probably turn against you and I'll |
| not trying at all is pretty much the same as being | | | | probably break down, talk to you because I feel |
| a failure, only more pathetic because you didn't | | | | sorry for you, and then you'll never have a |
| even summon the guts to go for something that | | | | chance with me. |
| you wanted. I'll have you know that I respect | | | | Also, there's this guy that I really, really like. So |
| people who subscribe to the idea of "no guts, no | | | | dude, seriously. While you have a chance. Maybe |
| glory". Because it is absolutely true. Unless you | | | | I'll like you better, who knows? |