| Nigerian lawyers want to send me millions of | | | | spend my fabulous wealth.Or not. Sigh.Actually, I |
| dollars!Apparently in Nigeria there have been a | | | | did bite in a small way on the first one of these |
| number of explosionsand mishaps and each time | | | | E-mail letters that came my way. I bought it at |
| this happens in their country somebody seems to | | | | first, sort of, in a way. Because I really wanted to |
| leave millions of dollars and no blood relatives who | | | | believe that life changing money could fall in my |
| are able to claim the fortune. Do you know who | | | | lap in this way. I'd coincidentally been filling out |
| gets the money in that event?Me!I know. Seems | | | | some of these PCH forms and when I read this |
| a little odd. But that's the way they do it. The | | | | letter I treated it like one more lottery or |
| lawyers do a massive internet search for any | | | | prize-winning contest.So, I sent this first lawyer - |
| person with the same last name, or just a | | | | by E-mail - my telephone number. My reasoning |
| foreigner, who will take this money off of their | | | | was that he couldn't rip me off with this |
| hands. It turns out that in nine seperate mishaps | | | | information, because if that were the case then |
| explosions that person turned out to be yours | | | | anybody with a phone book could do so, to any |
| truly.Now, it may seem a little suspicious that I'd | | | | person in there who had a listing.As I should have |
| be so lucky to be the benificiary of such mishaps | | | | been able to predict, he called and asked me for |
| explosions, but the fact of the matter is: I am | | | | my bank account number so that he could get |
| that lucky. What other explanation could there | | | | my millions of dollars transferred. He left a |
| be?It's totally legit. Do you know how I know | | | | message on my machine, so I wasn't able to talk |
| this? The lawyers all told me so, without me even | | | | with this fellow directly and then, of course, I |
| having to ask them. They just vounteered this | | | | didn't call him back. It saddened me to realize that |
| information and not only that, they did so with | | | | I wasn't going to be a millionaire and there |
| lots of exclaimation points!!!!!! If I'd needed any | | | | probably wasn't a 'Sir Richard Sommers' who |
| more convincing, those emphatic punctuation | | | | perished in a pipeline explosion with his entire |
| marks surely made the case. Lawyers don't just | | | | known family, leaving only me to inherit.Even |
| throw those in anywhere unless what they're | | | | sadder, I told this story in class and was told of |
| telling you is urgent and important.Also, I can tell | | | | an older man who had lost seventy thousand |
| it's a real proposition because they've told me not | | | | dollars in a deal that was almost exactly the same |
| to call the authorities, which can mean only one | | | | as the one I related. That should be a warning. |
| thing: It's so much on the up and up that I don't | | | | There are people out there who think that they |
| have to bother the legal establishment at all. I've | | | | have more of a right to your hard earned money |
| even been assured that it is not a scam, which | | | | than you do, if you make the unforgivable |
| can only mean that it's all totally honest, because | | | | mistake of trusting them.Nigeria, by the way, is a |
| totally honest people always make a point to let | | | | fantastically corrupt place. Sixty Minutes did a |
| you know that they're not lying to you or ripping | | | | story on the place where Mike Wallace boutght |
| you off.My total take so far is one hundred and | | | | identity papers proving that he was a Nigerian |
| ninety nine million and a half. I'm waiting until all the | | | | citizen. They weren't forged, either, he got them |
| yacht catalogs I ordered come in before | | | | by bribing public officials.Steve Sommers is the |
| contacting these lawyers because I want to | | | | author of Breakfast with the Antichrist. |
| make sure I know beforehand how I'm going to | | | | |