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Family Relationships Problems - Step One To Fix Them Up

Face it, relationships are TOUGH! Family certainly can't change their behavior,
relationships are even tougher, though. but you can change how they affect you.
Think about it, you are close to the If you allow them to push your buttons,
person, probably live in the same house they will. However, only you control how
together. They know you, your quirks, you react to them and how you are
your moods - and how to push your affected by them. John Miller in "QBQ!
buttons. The key to surviving The Question Behind" offers some very
relationship problems, however, is to good advice and gives a very clear,
take control of the situation. No, no, concise pattern to train your brain to
no, this does not mean strong arming your take responsibility of a situation and
family member and beating them into therefore change it. 1. Ask "what" and
submission. What it means is taking "how" questions. As in the case of Moe,
ownership of the areas that you CAN he questioned, "What can I do that may
control. What exactly can you control in encourage the other children to include
these situations? YOU! Recently, a 12 me in their games?" and, "How can I
year old boy, Moe, was having social control how they affect me when they make
problems that affected both his family fun of me?" Do not ask "why" questions.
relationships and his peer relationships. Why questions take away your empowerment
When asked to write a story about a 5th and further victimize you. 2. Only use
grade boy who was having problems with the word "I." Ask, "What can I do?"
friends in his school, he responded in an "How do I..." Never bother to ask THEY
interesting manner. This is a part of do..." You can't change "they," you can
what he wrote, only change you and how your react to
"He (the 5th grade boy) came back to me them. As Moe said, "We can't change
after recess a little teary eyed. I said them." 3. Take action! Don't get bogged
to him, 'Maybe there is something I can down in the questions and analysis of the
do to help you?' He answered, 'There is situation. Move forward quickly and do
nothing you can do to change them.' I something! Control the things that you
said back to him, 'That's right. We can't can - you and how others affect you. Let
change them, we can only change you and go of trying to control the things that
the way you look at things'(Moe Eirdad, you can't control - others and their
grade 7)" behaviors. When you allow someone else
This little boy, Moe, who was himself to push your buttons and get you upset,
having social problems, recognized that then THEY are in control of the
(better than many adults) the most situation. When you take control of
important lesson in creating and yourself and take charge of how they can
maintaining better relationships is that affect you, then YOU are the one in
it all begins (and ends) with you. You control - and they can't push your
can't change other people and you buttons any more.




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