| Face it, relationships are TOUGH! Family
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| | certainly can't change their behavior,
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| relationships are even tougher, though.
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| | but you can change how they affect you.
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| Think about it, you are close to the
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| | If you allow them to push your buttons,
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| person, probably live in the same house
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| | they will. However, only you control how
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| together. They know you, your quirks,
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| | you react to them and how you are
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| your moods - and how to push your
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| | affected by them. John Miller in "QBQ!
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| buttons. The key to surviving
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| | The Question Behind" offers some very
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| relationship problems, however, is to
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| | good advice and gives a very clear,
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| take control of the situation. No, no,
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| | concise pattern to train your brain to
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| no, this does not mean strong arming your
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| | take responsibility of a situation and
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| family member and beating them into
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| | therefore change it. 1. Ask "what" and
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| submission. What it means is taking
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| | "how" questions. As in the case of Moe,
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| ownership of the areas that you CAN
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| | he questioned, "What can I do that may
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| control. What exactly can you control in
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| | encourage the other children to include
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| these situations? YOU! Recently, a 12
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| | me in their games?" and, "How can I
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| year old boy, Moe, was having social
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| | control how they affect me when they make
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| problems that affected both his family
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| | fun of me?" Do not ask "why" questions.
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| relationships and his peer relationships.
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| | Why questions take away your empowerment
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| When asked to write a story about a 5th
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| | and further victimize you. 2. Only use
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| grade boy who was having problems with
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| | the word "I." Ask, "What can I do?"
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| friends in his school, he responded in an
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| | "How do I..." Never bother to ask THEY
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| interesting manner. This is a part of
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| | do..." You can't change "they," you can
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| what he wrote,
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| | only change you and how your react to
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| "He (the 5th grade boy) came back to me
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| | them. As Moe said, "We can't change
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| after recess a little teary eyed. I said
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| | them." 3. Take action! Don't get bogged
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| to him, 'Maybe there is something I can
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| | down in the questions and analysis of the
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| do to help you?' He answered, 'There is
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| | situation. Move forward quickly and do
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| nothing you can do to change them.' I
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| | something! Control the things that you
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| said back to him, 'That's right. We can't
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| | can - you and how others affect you. Let
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| change them, we can only change you and
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| | go of trying to control the things that
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| the way you look at things'(Moe Eirdad,
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| | you can't control - others and their
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| grade 7)"
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| | behaviors. When you allow someone else
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| This little boy, Moe, who was himself
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| | to push your buttons and get you upset,
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| having social problems, recognized that
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| | then THEY are in control of the
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| (better than many adults) the most
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| | situation. When you take control of
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| important lesson in creating and
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| | yourself and take charge of how they can
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| maintaining better relationships is that
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| | affect you, then YOU are the one in
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| it all begins (and ends) with you. You
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| | control - and they can't push your
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| can't change other people and you
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| | buttons any more.
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