Family Relationships Problems - Step One To Fix Them Up

Face it, relationships are TOUGH! Familybehavior, but you can change how they affect
relationships are even tougher, though. Thinkyou. If you allow them to push your buttons,
about it, you are close to the person, probablythey will. However, only you control how you
live in the same house together. They know you,react to them and how you are affected by
your quirks, your moods - and how to push yourthem. John Miller in "QBQ! The Question Behind"
buttons. The key to surviving relationshipoffers some very good advice and gives a very
problems, however, is to take control of theclear, concise pattern to train your brain to take
situation. No, no, no, this does not mean strongresponsibility of a situation and therefore change
arming your family member and beating them intoit. 1. Ask "what" and "how" questions. As in the
submission. What it means is taking ownership ofcase of Moe, he questioned, "What can I do that
the areas that you CAN control. What exactlymay encourage the other children to include me in
can you control in these situations? YOU!their games?" and, "How can I control how they
Recently, a 12 year old boy, Moe, was havingaffect me when they make fun of me?" Do not
social problems that affected both his familyask "why" questions. Why questions take away
relationships and his peer relationships. Whenyour empowerment and further victimize you. 2.
asked to write a story about a 5th grade boyOnly use the word "I." Ask, "What can I do?"
who was having problems with friends in his"How do I..." Never bother to ask THEY do..." You
school, he responded in an interesting manner.can't change "they," you can only change you and
This is a part of what he wrote,how your react to them. As Moe said, "We can't
"He (the 5th grade boy) came back to me afterchange them." 3. Take action! Don't get bogged
recess a little teary eyed. I said to him, 'Maybedown in the questions and analysis of the situation.
there is something I can do to help you?' HeMove forward quickly and do something! Control
answered, 'There is nothing you can do to changethe things that you can - you and how others
them.' I said back to him, 'That's right. We can'taffect you. Let go of trying to control the things
change them, we can only change you and thethat you can't control - others and their behaviors.
way you look at things'(Moe Eirdad, grade 7)"When you allow someone else to push your
This little boy, Moe, who was himself having socialbuttons and get you upset, then THEY are in
problems, recognized that (better than manycontrol of the situation. When you take control of
adults) the most important lesson in creating andyourself and take charge of how they can affect
maintaining better relationships is that it all beginsyou, then YOU are the one in control - and they
(and ends) with you. You can't change othercan't push your buttons any more.
people and you certainly can't change their