| You know all the growth you've done since your | | | | LOGISTICS PLANNING - Decide ahead of time: 1) |
| last family visit? And those vows concerning | | | | Where you'll stay during your visit; 2) Who you'll |
| different ways you'll behave with them this time? | | | | visit and for how long; 3) Which activities you will |
| Well, here's the catch: no matter how good your | | | | participate in; and 4) Who you want to spend |
| intentions, you may be at risk of kissing some of | | | | more and less time with during these activities. |
| that great progress good-bye, at least | | | | SELF-CARE PLANNING - Make some |
| temporarily, when you're with your family. Here | | | | commitments to yourself ahead of time for |
| are some tips for greatly reducing that possibility! | | | | some excellent self-care. Self-care activities |
| If visiting family is a challenge for you, for holidays | | | | include: meditation, prayer time, naps, eating |
| or at any other time, don't leave home without | | | | something healthy, exercise, walks, meetings, |
| first reviewing this vital tips! | | | | support system phone calls or visits, journal |
| While there is a chance that you might slip back | | | | writing, surrendering control, abstaining from |
| into habits you don't want to repeat, the good | | | | anesthesia, reading, laughing, listening to music, or |
| news is that there are ways to reduce your | | | | visualizing white light protecting you and your |
| chances of backsliding - and strategies for | | | | family. |
| bouncing back when you backslide anyway. | | | | FOUR ACTION AREAS DURING YOUR VISIT: 1) |
| The secret to using these tips is to recognize that | | | | Day-Beginning Activities, 2) Trigger Dance |
| there are certain long-standing patterns of | | | | Responses, 3) Dealing with the Unexpected, and |
| interaction in your family that are unpleasant for | | | | 4) Day-Ending Activities. |
| you, but which they and you are used to you | | | | BEGINNING-OF-DAY CENTERING ACTIVITIES - |
| playing a role in these patterns that you no longer | | | | Start the day with quiet time seeking guidance |
| enjoy filling. Why people lapse back into these | | | | and wisdom, and reviewing your self-care priorities |
| undesired patterns to begin with is an article in | | | | and your Trigger Dance response plan selections. |
| itself. How to avoid being triggered - and what to | | | | TRIGGER DANCE RESPONSES - When you feel |
| do when you are caught in a trigger dance - is | | | | triggered: |
| the focus of this article. | | | | 1) Take a time-out (it's really okay to graciously |
| The biggest key to visiting family without | | | | bow out of a family interaction, especially when |
| backsliding is to develop your own personal | | | | you already know how it's going to end!); |
| "Triggering Response Plan." This plan has two main | | | | 2) Try responding differently (with more love and |
| parts to it. The first has to do with the planning | | | | less anger, with more vulnerability and less |
| you do prior to visiting. The second is the action | | | | controllingness, with more directness and less |
| areas to focus on during the visit itself. | | | | beating around the bush, with more compassion |
| THREE PLANNING AREAS PRIOR TO VISITING: | | | | and less judgment, and/or with a boundary |
| 1) "Trigger Dance" Preparation, 2) Logistics | | | | instead of resentment); or |
| Planning & 3) Self-Care Planning. | | | | 3) Hold off responding differently and just practice |
| TRIGGER DANCE PREPARATION: A "Trigger | | | | observing how this interaction or Trigger Dance |
| Dance" is a pattern in which two or more people | | | | happens in the first place. |
| interact in such a way that one or more of them | | | | DEALING WITH THE UNEXPECTED - Be on the |
| gets upset or otherwise loses their sense of | | | | lookout for: |
| wellbeing (that is, is triggered). | | | | 1) Family Trigger Dances - or contributing |
| 1) List the family Trigger Dances you expect | | | | behaviors of your own - that you never quite |
| could occur during this visit; | | | | understood before; |
| 2) Describe your traditional role in each of them; | | | | 2) Spontaneously and naturally acting in new, |
| 3) For each Trigger Dance, make a list of three | | | | wonderful ways that you didn't know you were |
| alternatives to your usual role (these could include | | | | capable of; |
| ways you might prevent the dance from starting, | | | | 3) Not needing to intervene with someone you'd |
| ways you could respond differently once the | | | | planned to because they've already changed. |
| dance starts but before much damage is done | | | | END-OF-DAY REJUVENATION ACTIVITIES - |
| and/or ways you could take better care of | | | | Celebrate the changes you made. Even if others |
| yourself after the damage is done); | | | | didn't respond joyously to the new you, you still |
| 4) List how these of your potential new dance | | | | deserve credit for being more authentic and |
| steps might rock the family boat; | | | | genuine. |
| 5) Based on this information, decide which | | | | Best wishes in using your Triggering Response |
| boat-rocking risks you're willing to take should that | | | | Plan to prevent backsliding on your next family |
| Trigger Dance occur. | | | | visit! |