| While reading Julia Wood's Relational | | | | attachment as guides I can look back on my |
| Communication, I identified with many of the | | | | previous experiences and see an inner battle |
| topics discussed, perhaps none more so than the | | | | between the models. While growing up, I would |
| section devoted to attachment theory. The | | | | have periods that typified behavior predicted by |
| theory provided me with many new insights | | | | the secure attachment model as I exhibited a |
| regarding my self-perception and my relationships | | | | confident, positive, secure view of myself and |
| with others. Throughout the reading, I find the | | | | those around me and was open to new |
| theory accurately describing my childhood and my | | | | experiences and people. However, I also entered |
| emotions. | | | | periods involving high self-criticism and an |
| According to Wood (2000), attachment theory | | | | over-dependence on how others' view me. |
| claims that our earliest experiences decisively | | | | When looking back, I found that my periods of |
| influence how we view ourselves, others, and | | | | secure and anxious resistant attachments would |
| relationships. Wood continues by citing studies by | | | | alternate depending on the amount of support I |
| Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall (1978) that | | | | would feel from my mother. For example, when |
| found that the initial bonding between a child and | | | | we moved to another town, I went through a |
| its primary caregiver, usually the mother, is the | | | | period in which I was extremely self-critical and |
| first and an especially formative influence on | | | | modeled myself according to what my new |
| individual's views of relationships. As a child, my | | | | friends perceived me to be. During this time, my |
| stay at home mom primarily raised me. In | | | | mother was busy with our home construction and |
| parenting, my mother definitely displayed | | | | dealing with my new baby brother, which left less |
| characteristics of the secure attachment model | | | | time for me. Conversely, when my mom took |
| as she consistently responded to me in a loving, | | | | the position as my high school librarian I went |
| reassuring, and supportive way. | | | | through a period of extreme positive ness and |
| My early childhood is consistent with Wood's | | | | confidence in others and myself as my mother |
| analysis of influences on the likelihood that the | | | | and I now saw each other often throughout the |
| primary caregiver will exhibit loving, nurturing, and | | | | school day. With the death of my mother a year |
| attentive behavior. My family is upper middle class | | | | and half ago, I found myself struggling with my |
| as my father as an attorney was able to | | | | self-perception and my relationships with others. I |
| financially provide for us without my mother | | | | no longer have a primary positive relationship in |
| working. However, this situation also provided a | | | | my life to seek support from, as my father and I |
| down side, as my father was constantly busy | | | | still are emotionally distant. Like Glenn's reflection in |
| with work and other social commitments. With | | | | Wood (2000), I have again been developing a |
| my father, I was not able to form the same | | | | more confident, positive view of others and |
| bond present with my mother. Early memories | | | | myself thanks to a few very special people that |
| with my father are reflections of polar opposites | | | | refuse to let me be negative. |
| as I remember receiving either high praise for a | | | | I found attachment theory and its models to be |
| job well done (usually involving school work) or | | | | very enlightening. This theory is one of the first |
| criticism for failing somehow (usually involving | | | | interpersonal theories in which I see myself |
| undesirable behavior). The lack of interaction and | | | | illustrating. Understanding attachment theory has |
| the sharp contrast present in the limited time we | | | | helped me to better understand myself and my |
| spent together led to the formation of an | | | | actions towards others. With my new knowledge, |
| anxious-resistant attachment model. | | | | I now can continue to work to find friends who |
| Using the attachment theory and its models of | | | | work to combat my anxious-resistant side. |
| secure attachment and anxious-resistant | | | | |