| Introduction | | | | Neung, my ex, has cried all the way in the taxi. |
| “Teerak, my mom is sick and I need | | | | We arrive and her mom is not good. Seems she |
| money”. For those who don’t know, | | | | has had an aneurism. She is unconscious and the |
| “teerak” is the Thai equivalent of | | | | nurses have said to get prepared. Her sister Ying |
| “darling”, used by | | | | has flown in from Chiang Mai and is there. So the |
| “faan”, a gender neutral equivalent of | | | | girls do their Thai thing and I settle down for a |
| boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s no big secret | | | | long day. They wash their mom, talk to her, hold |
| that there is a lot of prostitution in Thailand, | | | | her hand, and cry a lot (of course!). I kid around a |
| though the numbers are vastly exaggerated by | | | | little, buy food, buy drink, and so on. And we wait |
| sensationalist media. There are many tales of | | | | for the doctor. He arrives on the floor and starts |
| cunning bar girls managing five or six boyfriends | | | | his rounds but soon disappears. Someone is dying |
| at a time and inventing increasingly innovative | | | | on the floor below. He is back a couple of hours |
| ways to extract money. “Teerak, my | | | | later. He gets very close to us this time before |
| mom is sick and I need money” is a classic | | | | his phone rings and he's off again. An hour more |
| line used by farang residents in Thailand to | | | | goes by and then he finally gets to us. |
| describe such girls. | | | | The nurses do some rather horrible things to |
| Perhaps less well known is the culture of family. | | | | Neung's mom, but for the right reasons of course. |
| The Thai family is the centerpiece of society in | | | | The doctor takes his time. He is young but he is |
| ways that many people in the West find difficult | | | | thorough. The prognosis is unclear. In essence he |
| to understand. Put simply, the family looks after | | | | says we just have to wait a few days and see |
| each other. If you marry into a Thai family you | | | | what happens. |
| are expected to support that family. In practice, | | | | Neung starts asking me how she can go to be |
| however, most Thai women will expect their | | | | with her mom while she is working, how she can |
| Farang boyfriend to support the family as well. | | | | pay for the taxi and so on. Gradually we are |
| The “wealth” of a man is therefore | | | | getting to the point of “teerak, my mom is |
| a very important factor in choosing a partner. To | | | | sick and I need money”. Before I get the |
| some this seems very cynical, almost akin to | | | | chance to make the expected "offer" her aunt |
| prostitution. This is a vast over- simplification. Thai | | | | arrives form Chiang Mai, stays a while, is |
| culture is not Western culture: neither necessarily | | | | obviously wondering who the hell this farang is, |
| better or worst, just different. | | | | then leaves while giving Neung some cash to take |
| The Beginning: March 25 2006 | | | | care of expenses. |
| My ex faan(very ex ex) calls me. As usual I don't | | | | And gradually everyone cheers up. Neung even |
| answer. If I answered every phone call I get I | | | | has the "balls" to call the insurance agent about |
| would be on the phone 30 hours a day. Then see | | | | the life policy...."teerak, I need to think about |
| I have an sms from her. “My mom | | | | funeral expenses....". Go figure! |
| dying.” Ok, that sounds serious. I call her | | | | Neighbors come and neighbors go. Telephones are |
| and 2 hours later I am in Phatumtani hospital, | | | | "hot". It's good to see people caring. I wish that |
| about an hour out of central Bangkok. | | | | would be the case when it's my turn to go. |
| It's a government hospital and I heard bad things | | | | Through the day I have wandered up and down |
| about these institutions. But it was clean, the | | | | the hospital. And it's interesting. I am the only |
| patients were sick but not badly cared for, the | | | | farang there. No one speaks a word of English. A |
| staff seemed professional and the care was | | | | little boy of perhaps 7 years looks at me and |
| pretty good. In that classic Thai way that I | | | | says, eyes in awe, "falang" (Thais cannot |
| genuinely love and admire all the families of the | | | | pronounce the consonant “r”, so |
| patients are in situ. It is all very chaotic but | | | | “farang” comes out as |
| everything in Thailand is chaotic, and it's nice. | | | | “falang”). The girls in the 7/11 shop |
| Opposite us is very old and very tiny lady. She | | | | stare at me and giggle...then ask me if I like |
| must be in her 80s and she is dying. It’s | | | | Pattaya and can they go with me! I am just an |
| not a big deal. It’s just her time. Her whole | | | | hour from Bangkok yet it seems as if I am in a |
| family is there, working shifts. Her grandson, who | | | | different world. |
| I guess is 35+, is on his shift now. You can see | | | | I could have done without it all. I have had to |
| immediately that caring is not his thing! Yet he is | | | | delay a flight back to Switzerland, my home. I am |
| washing her, chasing around after her, resting her | | | | tired. I have work to do. And I would obviously |
| head on the pillow, holding her hand, sleeping on | | | | prefer Neung’s mother to be well. Yet I |
| the floor underneath her bed. All in all he is | | | | would not have missed the experience. It showed |
| showing his love and respect for his grandmother. | | | | me some good things about this country. It |
| It's a sad occasion yet also invigorating. | | | | reaffirmed the family ethic. It showed dignity. I |
| I see this with almost every patient and family. A | | | | am glad I was there. I don't think Neung's mom |
| cancer sufferer, close to death, being cared for | | | | will recover but I think her daughter is beginning |
| by her sister. A very, very old lady being cared | | | | to adjust. We hadn't talked for many months. |
| for and fed by her equally old husband. Young kids | | | | Maybe this is not the best reason to talk again, |
| wandering around. Human traffic in the best way. | | | | but it was good to do so anyway. |
| We farang have much to learn from the Thais. | | | | |