| | | | | has already been set. Discover what makes your |
| You often hear struggling athletes say that they | | | | partner feel close to you and communicate what |
| have to "go back to basics." After years of | | | | you need in order to feel close to him/her. Not all |
| repetition, it's easy to lose sight of the | | | | roads to connection are the same—become |
| fundamentals they need to stay on top of their | | | | aware of and respect these differences. |
| game. Often they need an outsider's perspective | | | | |
| (i.e., a coach) to help them determine which | | | | 5. Courage |
| fundamentals they've been neglecting. | | | | |
| | | | | “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's |
| Many couples fall into the same trap. There are | | | | courage.” |
| many reasons why relationships lose their footing, | | | | ~Anais Nin |
| but often couples who end up in trouble lose sight | | | | |
| of certain relationship basics. And once those | | | | To have a fulfilling relationship you must have the |
| basics are forgotten, a formerly-solid relationship is | | | | courage to contribute something. What do you |
| at risk for spiraling out of control. | | | | need to bring to the relationship table? You have |
| | | | | to bring yourself to the relationship. Intimate |
| Let's take a brief look at some relationship basics. | | | | relationships involve risk and vulnerability, and |
| Some of these might sound familiar to you; to | | | | often couples begin to hide emotionally from each |
| keep your relationship healthy, it's often not | | | | other when the relationship doesn't proceed |
| necessarily a matter of learning new things but | | | | smoothly. This was evident with a couple I |
| holding onto tried-and-tested wisdom. | | | | coached: The husband was somewhat subdued |
| | | | | with his wife but was "the life of the party" with |
| Relationship Basics: The 7 C's: | | | | his friends and other couples. He stopped bringing |
| | | | | his sense of humor and capacity for joy into his |
| 1. Commitment | | | | relationship with his wife after five years of |
| | | | | marriage. |
| “Unless commitment is made, there are only | | | | |
| promises and hopes; but no plans.” | | | | How do you contribute to your relationship? |
| ~Peter F. Drucker | | | | |
| | | | | 6. Companionship |
| Commitment is about hanging in there, through | | | | |
| the good times and the bad. Commitment lets | | | | "Each friend represents a world in us, a world |
| your partner know that you are serious about | | | | possibly not born until they arrive." ~Anäis Nin |
| the relationship; it's the foundation that allows | | | | |
| trust to develop and intimacy to flourish. Most | | | | Whenever I interview couples who've been |
| importantly, commitment allows you to place the | | | | together for some time and are content with |
| relationship above your own needs at times. | | | | their relationship, one thing continually stands out |
| | | | | as important for these successful couples: They |
| How do you show your partner that you're | | | | are great friends and they like each other. |
| committed to the relationship? | | | | Frequently, couples forget to nurture this part of |
| | | | | their relationship and the cost for this omission is |
| 2. Communication | | | | substantial. Friends often have similar interests and |
| | | | | engage in enjoyable activities together. |
| “To effectively communicate, we must realize | | | | |
| that we are all different in the way we perceive | | | | Do you and your partner make a conscious |
| the world and use this understanding as a guide to | | | | effort to play and have fun together? |
| our communication with others.” | | | | |
| ~Anthony Robbins | | | | 7. Compassion |
| | | | | |
| You don't have to become a chatterbox to | | | | Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear |
| effectively communicate. Simply check in with | | | | and the blind can see. |
| each other once in a while. Find out if the | | | | ~Mark Twain |
| relationship is working for your partner by asking | | | | |
| questions like: "How are things between us? Is | | | | Compassion is the ability to listen deeply and show |
| there something you need from me that you're | | | | sympathy and understanding to your partner. |
| not getting?" When couples stop communicating, | | | | Couples who practice compassion and kindness |
| they become roommates instead of soulmates | | | | continuously feed love and send each other vital |
| and might ultimately get their needs met | | | | messages of caring. You would think that it's easy |
| elsewhere. | | | | for couples to shower each other with |
| | | | | compassion, but this isn't always the case. So |
| | | | | often couples begin to take one another for |
| | | | | granted and stop behaving in ways that |
| 3. Compromise | | | | demonstrate unsolicited kindness. As one husband |
| | | | | recently said, "With all the stress I'm under, I don't |
| The most important trip you may take in life is | | | | have the luxury of always being |
| meeting people halfway. | | | | compassionate…" The assumption that you need |
| ~Henry Boye | | | | heaps of time or that you need to be in the "right |
| | | | | place" in your life in order to show compassion to |
| Relationships, even the very best of them, are | | | | others is not only incorrect, it's a dangerous |
| complicated and often challenging. Couples who | | | | assumption. Make compassion a necessity in your |
| know how to get through the rough patches and | | | | relationship, not a luxury. Weave it into the small |
| still have fulfilling unions know how to compromise. | | | | acts of your daily life and you won't even need to |
| A competitive, "I need to be right" attitude is the | | | | create extra time for it. |
| death knell to compromise. Practice give and take, | | | | |
| and learn how to meet each other half way. | | | | While there are other important elements that go |
| | | | | into creating a healthy marriage or relationship, |
| What's one step you can take to improve your | | | | periodically re-visiting these seven basics will give |
| ability to compromise? | | | | your relationship the tune-up it needs to stay |
| | | | | vibrant and strong for years to come. For added |
| 4. Connection | | | | benefit, review these with your partner and see |
| | | | | what your relationship strengths are and areas |
| “For a marriage or relationship to flourish, | | | | that might need some extra attention. |
| there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous | | | | To discover more relationship tips, visit and sign |
| amount of courage to say to your spouse, "This | | | | up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox |
| is me. I'm not proud of it -- in fact, I'm a little | | | | Newsletter. |
| embarrassed by it -- but this is who I am."” | | | | |
| ~Bill Hybel | | | | As a bonus, you will receive the popular free |
| | | | | reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your |
| When you show your partner that you are | | | | relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control |
| committed, and that you are working on | | | | the way you argue before your arguments |
| becoming an effective communicator who is willing | | | | control you. |
| to compromise, the basis for a deep connection | | | | |