| You want to send a condolence message to | | | | If you have a fond memory of the deceased, be |
| someone you know who has suffered a loss. | | | | sure to mention it, especially if it's humorous. A |
| There is so much that you want to say, but you | | | | little laugh at a time like this can go a long way. |
| don't know where to start. How do you say it all? | | | | Just don't draw it out. The secret to finding the |
| Should you say it all? Maybe you'll call them | | | | right length lies in the principle of "quality over |
| instead? But is that appropriate at this time? It | | | | quantity". Of course if you didn't know the |
| can be a very confusing period for everyone | | | | deceased, or are only a casual acquaintance of |
| involved after a death. Emotions are either running | | | | the person, it's much easier to keep the letter |
| high, or seemingly non-existent. Decisions can be | | | | concise. A much more difficult balancing act is |
| very hard to make, and when they are, you | | | | based on the recipient's relationship with the |
| always wonder if it was the right one. This article | | | | deceased. You might know that your friend and |
| will help you put aside the fears of being | | | | their sibling didn't get along, had a somewhat |
| inappropriate once you've decided to write a | | | | strained relationship. Or that their parent abused |
| letter of condolence. The length of a condolence | | | | them when they were younger. |
| message is, like so many things during the grieving | | | | Put Yourself in Their Position |
| period, dependent on many factors. Some things | | | | Different relationships have different dynamics so |
| to consider are: | | | | it can be very tough to know how long a |
| Your relationship with the person you're | | | | condolence message should be. The best thing to |
| writing to | | | | do in cases like this is to put yourself in their |
| Their relationship with the deceased | | | | shoes. What would you like someone to say to |
| Length of time since the death occurred | | | | you at this time? It would be best not to go into |
| Keep the Condolence Message Short and Sincere | | | | personal details at this point in the letter, so just |
| Generally speaking a condolence message need | | | | acknowledge the deceased's passing and your |
| not be very long. This is not a time to "catch up" | | | | sympathy. Keep it simple, and keep it kind. |
| or address any outstanding "issues" you may | | | | Remember, this was their parent, or brother or |
| have with the person you're writing to. Basically | | | | sister. There will be deep feelings of sadness |
| the point of the letter is to acknowledge their loss | | | | present, in spite of past happenings. |
| and let them know you're there for them. Those | | | | Condolence Messages are Better Late Than |
| who are grieving are really not able to | | | | Never |
| concentrate very well at these times, but a short | | | | If for some reason you could not write sooner |
| sincere expression of your sympathy will be | | | | and several weeks have passed, the letter can be |
| welcomed. | | | | a little longer. Perhaps you were away on business |
| How Short is Too Short for a Condolence | | | | or vacation and couldn't write sooner. After |
| Message? | | | | you've expressed your condolences, let them |
| There are of course different levels of brevity | | | | know you were away, or indisposed. They were |
| you'll want to consider when writing your note. If | | | | probably wondering why they hadn't heard from |
| you had a very close relationship with the person, | | | | you. Again though, don't ramble on too much or |
| such as a dear friend or life-long neighbour, you | | | | ask potentially painful questions about the death. |
| won't want to make it too brief. Writing too short | | | | Rather, follow up with a phone call or perhaps a |
| of a communication at such a delicate time could | | | | visit after giving sufficient time for the letter to |
| cause an overly emotional griever to think you | | | | arrive. In the end, what really matters isn't how |
| don't care. They might believe that you don't | | | | long your letter is, all that matters is that you |
| really care, or aren't as close as they thought you | | | | write the condolence message and send it as |
| were. | | | | soon as you can. |