| A condolence letter about the death of a spouse | | | | sweet wife and my dear friend, Ellie. Words fail in |
| is one of the more difficult condolence letters to | | | | telling you how badly I feel. I am sure you were |
| write. No one truly knows the relationship | | | | aware that I was very fond of Ellie, both as a |
| between two married people. Writing "I | | | | friend and as a coworker on our many projects. |
| understand how you feel" even if you've lost a | | | | Ellie was a delightful person in so many ways. I |
| spouse yourself isn't always true. Without having | | | | always anticipated with pleasure our working |
| been in the relationship yourself, you can't imagine | | | | together. She was creative, hard-working and |
| how the death of a spouse makes the survivor | | | | reliable. A real team player. She was funny, too, |
| feel. When writing a condolence letter, it's | | | | and that is a priceless commodity when you're |
| particularly important to understand how to write | | | | feeling the stress of a deadline. |
| it and what to write that will offer comfort and | | | | Although you and I met only rarely, I feel I know |
| support for the loss of a spouse and this | | | | you from all the little stories Ellie use to share |
| profoundly personal relationship. | | | | over coffee breaks. She never had anything but |
| "Nothing in life is certain, but death and taxes." We | | | | happy things to say about her life with you and |
| have heard the phrase repeated many times. We | | | | the kids. Last spring, she brought in pictures from |
| laugh about it; we make fun of the circumstances. | | | | a trip to Vermont, and she just lit up as she |
| Yet, how many times do we give those words a | | | | described you tobogganing with the children. She |
| second thought? We cringe when someone | | | | loves you very much. |
| mentions death and hope for a quick end to the | | | | My children and I are smoking a couple of hams |
| conversation. However, writing a condolence | | | | and will bring one over when it is done just right. |
| letter, when it's the death of a spouse, can be | | | | In the meantime, my sincere condolences to you |
| crippling. | | | | and the whole family on your great loss. |
| Think back to your wedding day. You smile and | | | | Letter #2 |
| boldly repeat the words, "Until Death Do Us Part." | | | | Dear Margaret, |
| You say a silent prayer and hope the day never | | | | This morning, when Susan told me to know about |
| comes. No matter how strong, passionate and | | | | your darling Jim I sat down and wept. While his |
| comforting your relationship, it is hard to imagine | | | | lost was not unexpected, I still felt a wave of |
| your life with a spouse. But you grow closer and | | | | disbelief. I am so sorry. |
| closer until you can't imagine your life without | | | | Jim was such a gifted man: in his profession, his |
| your spouse. And after their death, it's even | | | | wood carving, in his family and friends and in his |
| more difficult to imagine living your life without | | | | readiness to share his thoughts and feelings. |
| your spouse. | | | | The last time we spoke, just before the reunion, |
| Even in a difficult marriage, losing a spouse is | | | | I asked if he felt his illness was affecting the way |
| painful. There are feelings of guilt, anger and | | | | he looked at life. He didn't brush me off or avoid |
| regret. Guilt for not trying to reconcile before it is | | | | the issue in any way - that wasn't Jim's style - |
| too late. Anger that your spouse is gone and | | | | instead he paused, reflected for a moment, and |
| regret for the things that were not accomplished. | | | | said, "It seems the world is topsy-turvy; so many |
| Understanding What Happens When a Spouse | | | | of the little things I used to feel were important |
| Dies | | | | have just fallen away, while many of the small |
| Your condolence letter does not have to mention | | | | moments that I once took for granted are |
| any of the following points, as a matter of fact | | | | incredibly precious." You came up at just at that |
| it's better if it doesn't. But understanding how | | | | moment with a cool drink and a warm smile. As |
| someone's life changes after the death of a | | | | you walked away Jim grinned and said, "See that? |
| spouse can make your condolence letter much | | | | That's one of those precious moments." |
| more powerful and truly supportive to the | | | | I can only imagine how deeply you feel this loss, |
| surviving spouse.o The life of the surviving spouse | | | | Margaret, but you can take solace in all the loving |
| changes forever.o The bond of marriage is | | | | ways you cared for Jim - not just in his illness, |
| broken.o The burden of coping with household | | | | but through a long and happy marriage. He could |
| responsibilities is overwhelmingo The work | | | | always count on your support as he tackled new |
| environment can be a place to seek support and | | | | challenges, and he respected your opinion |
| comfort and to conceal grief.o When the spouse | | | | immensely. You two were partners in a way it |
| dies of a terminal illness the surviving spouse may | | | | seems few married people are these days. Now it |
| have reconciled with the inevitabilities of the loss, | | | | will be your challenge to take the same strength |
| long before deatho As couples get older, limited | | | | of character and good sense that you shared |
| resources and failing health only makes life more | | | | with your husband and direct it toward your own |
| terrifying.o Fear and loneliness can cause the loss | | | | rich life. Your friends may never "match" you in |
| of the meaning in life. The thought of coping | | | | the way Jim did. But they love you and respect |
| without your partner is unbearable. | | | | you and are there to help you in any way they |
| The best condolence letters acknowledge the | | | | can. |
| death and how it affected you and also talks | | | | Count on me, will you? I'll drop by in the next |
| about fond memories you had of the deceased. | | | | couple of days to see if there's anything I can do |
| Great condolence letters include words of | | | | to help... I'll call first. In the meanwhile, take very |
| strength and offer your help with something that | | | | good care of yourself. |
| the surviving spouse may have difficulty with | | | | Condolence Letters Online |
| after the death of their loved one. Perhaps you or | | | | These are just two examples of condolence |
| someone you know can help prepare taxes, or | | | | letters. Online you'll find shorter and longer |
| you can help by doing some household chores | | | | condolence letters with specific examples for your |
| that you know the spouse did, like yard work or | | | | situation. If you knew the spouse well, in some |
| cooking. | | | | ways it will be more difficult to write your |
| The following are two excellent examples of what | | | | condolences because of your own grief. In other |
| to write in a condolence letter for a spouse. You | | | | ways it will be easier because you knew the |
| can find more examples online. | | | | person. If you did not know the spouse, you can |
| Sample Condolence Letters to use When a | | | | still write about how you knew the person and |
| Spouse Dies | | | | how their death will affect you as well as offer |
| Letter #1 | | | | your support and help. In any case, expressing |
| Dear Ted, | | | | your sympathy in a condolence letter is always |
| It was with a very sad heart that I heard the | | | | appropriate and appreciated. |
| news just the other day of the passing of your | | | | |